despite all worries,this is my stories

 Today i`m 43.. I have live my life for that long.  I`m grateful and anxious at the same time.  how much time do i have?  will i make it another miles ?  Today.. only 1 person called .. somewhow, i kinda appreciate it. Everybody, only share their wishes through posting, through text, avoiding the voice, avoiding chit chat. I felt, special in a way. that 1 person called .. spending a few minutes just to wish me happy birthday.  I havent talk to another human being other than family members which that also few words a day. That`s the best present for today. A conversation.  A conversation --- a rare items lately.  People said a person can`t change. I have changed from extrovert to introvert , i used to think what will you do if you dont have friends, no people to to talk to. Guess i`m living it now. no friends, no people to talk to. Do i feel depressed? sometimes. But, rather hold your peace than open your mouth.  My Motto that i strongly belie...

  I dont want to be remembered by anyone. I dont owe everyone, if i do have something to owe to everyone, i will try to redeem.  But alone is better for me.  I imagine myself feeling the breeze, sitting by the ocean, and just gazing as much as horizon can spoiled my eyes.  I have been judged, emotionally bullied, critized, and i dont owe them my life.  i dont want to be remembered by anyone. because i dont trust no one. my distrust has grown  to insecurity. I questioned everything hoping to have answers of everything, instead, i was more judged, more bullied.  and then there`s a question of faith, of how as a person with  religion should act. My relationship with GOD is my. and i dont owe them my thoughts.  I dont want to be remembered by anyone. everything has its own expired date including humans.  my expiration date who knows. untill then... i continue to erase me in everyone`s mind. 

  Bekerja (kembali) di masa pandemi.  Cukup berat comeback untuk bekerja di masa pandemi. Mungkin harus kasih tau dulu backgroundnya kenapa terasa berat.  Setelah menikah, hamil, dan punya anak (sampai umur 1 tahun) gue masih bekerja. Kenapa ga langsung berhenti pas mau nikah? maunya gitu. Tapi, mengingat waktu pacaran yang singkat dan suami juga bukan pegawai tetap menafkahi untuk 2 kepala memang pasti menantang. Pacaran kan paling cuma traktir2x bayar makan doang.  Setelah menikah, ga lama hamil dan satu dan lain hal , keguguran dan terpaksa harus operasi di luar negeri ( mendadak ) jadi ini juga salah pertimbangan tidak berhenti bekerja karena fasilitas asuransi dari kantor. selebihnya, hamil lagi dan punya anak, again karena alasan asuransi + sudah di zona nyaman sehingga mundur lagi untuk berhenti bekerja.  Sampai akhirnya pada satu titik, anak gue udh umur 1 tahun, alhamdulillah tumbuh kembangnya normal, bisa mulai ngmg cepet 1,5 tahun udah bisa nyanyi ful...